| NUMBER 1454. - February 14, 2001 |
ISSN
0882-3731
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By Eli Siegel In a work of Defoe of 1697, An Essay upon Projects, there is a part given to a women's academy. Defoe says that if a woman has a good quality, it will become greater through education, and if she has a not good quality, it will likely become less through education. He puts it very well.
There are poems concerned with education. There's a peevish poem of Cowper, "Tirocinium," in which he says schools shouldn't be-people should learn at home. Cowper remembers how lonely he was in school, and also how he used it badly. There is James
Thomson at the conclusion of the book "Spring" in his Seasons. In
these lines we get two opposites that are in education: to cause ferment,
enlivening, liveliness in a person; also, to give it structure-to make
children more spry and more symmetrical. Spryness and symmetry are two
objects of education, and both should be loved. [Thomson is speaking about
a very young child:]
.
This is a romantic
way of seeing education. And evil is left out too much.
The Two Kinds of Ambition
Men need to know what I am grateful to have learned from Aesthetic Realism: there are two kinds of ambition. That is, our ambition-about a job, for instance, or about love-will arise either from a desire to know and like the world, or from a desire to be superior and have contempt. In an Aesthetic Realism class of 1975, Eli Siegel described the two ambitions fighting in me when he asked: "Does Joe Meglino prefer comfort over perception, or perception over comfort?" And I am very fortunate that the desire a man has to see women as existing to make him comfortable was criticized in me. When I met Pauline Fanning, I was mightily taken with her beauty, the depth of feeling she showed, her surprising sense of humor and lively interest in things. I soon fell in love with her. Yet as we were dating, when she wanted to talk about herself or was interested in knowing me better, I would feel all this questioning and talking were too much! I got annoyed. Then in an Aesthetic Realism class, Mr. Siegel said to me: "It happens that while we are interested in love, we also want to have a rest. Do you feel Pauline Fanning asks too much of you?" "Yes," I answered. He explained, with humor, and clarity, and depth: "Men like to be loved, but at the same time they don't like too much to be asked of them. There is a self that says: 'I should be loved without doing a damned thing, because I am I. All I do is collect feminine dividends.' That is one aspect of self we are disposed to be faithful to. Then, there is another: 'I must be true to my desire to like reality through caring for this person.'" I thank Mr. Siegel for teaching me that true love is "proud need": the proud feeling that we need the meaning, the life, the criticism of another person to be fully ourselves. It means so much to me that Pauline and I have been married these past 23 years. I treasure her and see her as a deep friend who wants to know and strengthen me, as I want to know and strengthen her. To Be Liked-or to Be Kind?This drive made for a crisis in the first job I had after college: teaching science to 7th and 8th graders in the Bronx. My ambition to be liked was in severe conflict with my desire to keep order, to insist on things like homework and study. This ambition to be seen as a nice guy was really mean: underneath my smiles, I was calling to the worst things in my students and not encouraging their deepest desire, to learn and respect reality. And they objected. Increasingly, my classrooms were noisy, unruly, chaotic. Most mornings, feeling a huge knot in my stomach, I dreaded going to class. After a few months I felt like a failure and quit. Years later, as a parent, I had a similar question as to my son, David. I would arrange his day and what he would do, and expect homage and devotion in return. But that is not what I got. I was troubled; and in an Aesthetic Realism class Ellen Reiss asked me: "As people want to like themselves, do they go about it sensibly or not?" "Not sensibly," I answered. She continued: "How have you? Have you felt you should do things for people and they in turn should worship and adore you?" "Yes," I said; "that is what I've gone for." She asked me how I would come to have a high opinion of myself: would it be through getting people to approve of me while I inwardly felt I'd fooled them, or "through honestly having respect for reality and that which stands for reality"? The True Ambition |